About Me

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I'm 25 and clueless, trying to find my way through a world that is becoming more and more complicated. I'm a single mommy, learning the ropes of parenthood and adulthood and trying not to mess my child up too bad in the process. I moved to Kansas almost 5 years ago from Ohio, where I currently live with my beautiful 5 year old daughter, and our dachshund Oscar. I'm a shy person on the outside, but on the inside I'm a total weirdo. I always speak before I think, (yeah, read that one again) I dance like an epileptic, and I laugh at myself constantly. I love fart jokes and dirty language...who doesn't? And if you're one of those people that don't...well then, fuck you. *fart*

Monday, June 28, 2010

Tying Up More Loose Ends....Hehe - Loose Ends.

Yeah, so I’m posting twice in the same day. Shut up, you know you like it. Plus I spent all weekend writing shit down so I wouldn’t forget to blog about it, so why be wasteful? Because one of the most wonderful things about my [completely unpopular] blog is that writing it helps me to look at myself from an outsider’s perspective. And laughing at myself often helps relieve some of the “doom and gloom” mentality that follows me around and can be such a pain in the ass.

So, I’m worried about my dog. When I’m on vacation, he won’t be able to come with us. I am leaving him in Kansas with my grandparents – but I worry that he will give them trouble. See, Oscar is sort of strange - in his own charming little way. (See picture to the left for proof, and no - I don't know how he decided that upside-down was his best look.) His eyes are all googly - they kinda point in different directions, and they never really look right at you. I’m pretty sure he can see alright though, because he doesn’t run into the walls or anything. He knows a couple of tricks and he understands basic commands, but he’s not really sure what dogs are supposed to do – so he makes it up as he goes along. So far, he’s decided that being a dog consists of sitting in the windowsill all day, licking the floor every few minutes, turning all Peanut’s Barbie dolls into amputees, eating garbage whenever the chance arises, and barking at everything that moves. And moving isn’t even really a requirement either, he’ll bark at anything. He’s not picky.

Oscar is the biggest sweetheart – with me and Peanut. He loves us, he worships the ground we walk on, he never wants to leave our sides. But Oscar doesn’t like other people. If anyone he doesn’t know tries to pet him or pick him up, he yipes and squeals, then freaks out and runs away with his tail tucked. He’s always been that way, and I’ve never really figured out why. But despite all that, I love the little booger. I love him through his garbage rampages and backyard digging habits (his favorite game is "See how much dirt I can get on my nose".) I even love him through the rainy days when he won’t poop outside and uses the rug by the back door instead. He’s a member of our little family, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

The only problem is – now that I’m leaving the state for a week, he’ll have to stay with someone he doesn’t know. My Gramma has accepted the challenge – what a brave woman. I love my Gramma to pieces, but I worry that Oscar will give her a run for her money. Or just a run. Because that little shit is fast, and I doubt she could catch him. But I’m also worried that his little behavioral issues will be hard for Gramma to cope with. For example, he hates his crate. He thinks it is the root of all evil. He refuses to walk into it on his own, and he’s even figured out how to get out of it once or twice. (It’s one of those metal ASPCA crates - he’s like frickin Houdini – I still don’t know how he did it.) But I imagine Gramma will put him in there at night. Oscar is used to sleeping between my feet at the foot of the bed – he will not take kindly to the new sleeping arrangements. My guess is that he will howl like the little hound dog he is….until he pisses Gramma off and she’s forced to take him to a Kennel.

I would feel horrible if he gave my poor grandparents a hard time, because they don’t need that stress in their lives. So, everyone out there in blog-land – pray for us. I mean, I don’t necessarily believe in the Christian God (but I capitalized it anyway because that’s proper or whatever), but please – pray for my dear grandparents. And pray for my little googly-eyed monster. Pray that there will be peace in the household, and no barking. Pray for “good boy behavior”, instead of garbage antics. Pray for carpet without little round stains on it and fully intact furniture.

If this all goes well, I will be happy when I get home – and Oscar will be too. So happy, in fact, that he will probably get too excited and pee on me a little. And I won’t even mind, because I love him. And because it all comes out in the wash.

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