About Me

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I'm 25 and clueless, trying to find my way through a world that is becoming more and more complicated. I'm a single mommy, learning the ropes of parenthood and adulthood and trying not to mess my child up too bad in the process. I moved to Kansas almost 5 years ago from Ohio, where I currently live with my beautiful 5 year old daughter, and our dachshund Oscar. I'm a shy person on the outside, but on the inside I'm a total weirdo. I always speak before I think, (yeah, read that one again) I dance like an epileptic, and I laugh at myself constantly. I love fart jokes and dirty language...who doesn't? And if you're one of those people that don't...well then, fuck you. *fart*

Monday, June 21, 2010

I'm gonna go kill some Mexicans. Or maybe just sit here and feel sorry for myself.

So, I work for an internet company that ships products to people’s homes all over the country. I don’t want to give too many details, but I will tell you that the products are perishable food items. So anyway, one of our longstanding customers called and placed an order a couple weeks ago. Usually when I take his order, I get his address information from our electronic database, which is exactly what I did on this order. Well, SURPRISE!! The goddamn database was wrong this time. This tends to happen fairly often because our techie guy who manages it is pretty much a big ol' dumbass.

Anyway, I find out at the end of that week that the order got shipped to the wrong address. So instantly I have to take the heat for it from my boss, because this customer orders so often that “I should’ve known it was the wrong address just by looking at it.” So I call the customer and let him know what happened. His response: “Well, I could run over to my old house and see if the people that live there now would give me the package…” And I’m thinking “Holy shit, this is the nicest man in the world and I’m totally SAAAVED!!” But then he calls back. Turns out, the people that live at his old address are Mexicans that don’t speak English.



So, I offer to re-ship this guy’s order the following week, with a little extra somethin somethin for his troubles. He is super nice and seemed totally satisfied with that answer. I apologized over and over for the mistake, and assured him that he would have his replacement package in a few days.

(A week later he calls back)
Customer: “Uhh…I think you forgot to ship my replacement package last week.”
Me: “I remember sending it out, did you not receive it?
Customer: “Nope, never got anything.”
Me: “Ok, let me put you on hold for a moment while I look up your order and see what happened.”

So I put him on hold, find his tracking number, and track the package. I see the fateful word “DELIVERED” written in green at the top of the webpage. At this point, my heart is beating rapidly and I’m on the verge of tears because I know in the back of my mind that something must've gone wrong – and it was probably my fault.

This is about the time I come to the realization that I submitted his order with the SAME wrong address that it was shipped to before, and that I’m a fucking moron. So, I suck it up and confess to the customer that I messed up his order once again. Again, he is super nice about it and actually just feels bad for ME…probably because he figured out before I did that I was going to have to pay for the bad shipments. So, in a last ditch effort, I call the phone number that was attached to his old address – and someone actually ANSWERED! I thought for a moment that it would all be alright. Then, when I say who I am and where I’m calling from I got sadly disappointed, because all I hear is: “Uhh…no comprende. No Englais.”


I did my best to explain 100 different ways that we knew they had signed for two separate shipments from us that they didn’t pay for. But all I got back was “No comprende. No mas. No Englais.”
Don’t “no comprende” me, asshole. You know EXACTLY what the fuck I’m talking about. Free box-ey? You no pay for? Enough free food to feed your family for a month? No? Still nothing?


Why did I take German in high school instead of Spanish? What the fuck is wrong with me? It’s not like we’ve got a bunch of Krauts continuously flooding over the border and slowly becoming the majority – so how in the HELL could I think that language would ever be practical?

So, then I had to confess it all to my boss. The fact that I screwed up not only once, but twice. He had me add up the cost of the product and shipping on both of the mis-shipped orders, and let him know what the total was. And now I owe the company $140. So naturally, I had to go into the bathroom and cry for a few seconds, followed immediately by some yelling at the mirror like a drill sergeant and pulling myself together. (Come to think of it, maybe that's why my coworkers looked at me like I was crazy as SHIT when I came out.) I wasn’t mad that I had to pay – I fucked up, and I should have to reimburse the company for my mistake. I was just mad that I did something so STUPID – and that I did it twice. And by the way, that $140 was the only spending money I would have had for my upcoming vacation. I’m a single mom that lives from paycheck to paycheck; so that is A LOT of money to me. It’s my gas bill, or my phone bill, or half of my rent.

So anyway, these Mexicans ended up pretty much stealing our stuff and totally getting away with it. I mean, I could maybe understand accepting the first package, but they really signed for the SECOND one too?! Isn’t it illegal to sign for and accept a package that doesn’t belong to you or some shit? If not, it should be. Because of assholes like this. I mean, if I got a several pound package delivered to my door that I didn’t order…I wouldn’t sign for it. Mostly because I wouldn’t want the company to call me and demand some sort of payment. (Cuz let's face it, if I refused...they know where I live.)  But also because I’m sort of a good person. Kinda. Well, a better person than some people out there (the prison population). Definitely better than those freakin Mexican assholes.

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