About Me

My photo
I'm 25 and clueless, trying to find my way through a world that is becoming more and more complicated. I'm a single mommy, learning the ropes of parenthood and adulthood and trying not to mess my child up too bad in the process. I moved to Kansas almost 5 years ago from Ohio, where I currently live with my beautiful 5 year old daughter, and our dachshund Oscar. I'm a shy person on the outside, but on the inside I'm a total weirdo. I always speak before I think, (yeah, read that one again) I dance like an epileptic, and I laugh at myself constantly. I love fart jokes and dirty language...who doesn't? And if you're one of those people that don't...well then, fuck you. *fart*

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Airports are Gateways to Hell: Part 2

So…picking up where I left off…

• I go to check into my replacement flight to Charlotte at 4 IN THE MORNING.

• I find out that my daughter’s ticket isn’t accounted for in the system. I have to go all the way down the hallway to customer service for my original flight and get the ticket number. So I do.

• I drag all my shit back to the check in for my replacement flight to Charlotte. I give them the ticket number. It doesn’t help. Apparently I need my daughters’ printed paper ticket from the original flight.

(At this point, we are no longer walking. We are running up and down this enormous check in floor from counter to counter like a couple of crazy people. Also, keep in mind that at every single stop along this “journey” we have to wait in lines that are getting increasingly longer. The clock is ticking closer and closer to our flight’s departure time, and we’re no closer to even getting checked in.  And we have been in the airport for 12 hours already.)

• I dragged all my shit BACK to the other counter at the opposite end of the hallway to get the damn paper ticket printed.

• I then took the paper ticket back to the check in counter for the flight I was 20 minutes away from missing. (And I still had to get through security and to the gate.)

• They said: “Oh, here it was the whole time!”

Me: *shooting daggers with my eyes and steaming from the ears*
“Hm. Imagine that. Are we all set? Can I go now? Thanks.”

After all of that, I run to security and throw all my shit up on the roller thingys and take my shoes off. (By the way, I hope they sanitize those floors often because if I end up having to get warts removed from my feet or some shit I’m gonna be sooooo pissed.) Anyway, the whole time Peanut is crying that she is hungry and tired and has to pee - and that she doesn’t want to run any more. (Join the club, kid.) I was gasping for air, telling her to suck it up and feeling like my chest is going to explode, but still running like my life depended on making that flight.

After riding an underground tram, I find that our gate is at the opposite end of the concourse. And this airport is huge, ya’ll. We had to have run like 5 miles, easily. Thank God for moving walkways. But still, we didn’t make it. The plane was long gone by the time we had arrived at the gate. I sat down for a moment to catch my breath after speaking to the representative at the counter, and then we were on our way to a THIRD flight company for our SECOND replacement tickets; which was, again, at the opposite end of the concourse from where we were.

We got there, waited in another really long line, and then I was relieved to find that the representative taking care of us was SUPER nice. You have no idea how thankful I was for a little compassion at that point. I thanked her tremendously for hooking us up, and was probably a little too enthused because she looked sort of creeped out when I dropped to my knees and thanked the good lord above for sending me an angel. (Ok, so that didn’t really happen. I’m not even religious. But the thought even occurring to me is proof that I was at the end of my rope.)

So, we went to the bathroom and I gave Peanut a “sink bath” - all the moms out there know what I’m talking about. I wiped her down with some wet paper towels and changed her clothes. See, I had packed an extra outfit for her in my carry on – just in case there was an “accident”. Too bad I didn’t do the same for me because at that point I smelled like locker room garbage and I would have KILLED for a change of clothes. But after we got cleaned up we went and got a bite of breakfast and got to relax for the last couple of hours before our flight left. When we finally got on the damn plane, we both fell asleep. For the entire ride.

3 hours later and we were in Ohio! We had an excellent vacation – lots of fun, from beginning to end. We went to the art museum, natural history museum, the zoo, the mall…it was a blast! We stayed with my mom and she introduced us to some of her friends, and one of them took some professional photos of Peanut, which I’m sure will turn out adorable. I swam at my dad’s pool and he took us on a golf cart ride through the golf course he manages. We played this game called “cornhole” (love that name, by the way) and ate lots of good food. All in all….I wish I was still on vacation.


Back to the real world. Has anybody else ever noticed that being a grown-up totally sucks?


  1. My blog was about your trip today too....we must be on the same wavelength. Check for Peanut's name in the paragraph about security...

  2. Damn..I'll have to pay closer attention to that - good eye!